Whispered Scars
by hentai-monkey
Summary: Sometimes the only thing to listen to is the whisper of scars from the past. kuroxfai flangst
1. Chapter 1

_hentai-monkey here! Sorry it's been so long since I've written anything new. I've been commissioned to write some fluff, so I've done just that. However, we've also got a healthy helping of angst and a good dose of cliff-hangers for decoration, but its still fluff. Also, I must take no credit for this. I'm making no money, just getting some satisfaction that there is a new Kuro/Fai story to write for me. I'm thrilled._

_Oh yes, there will be major ooc-ness here and later. Hopefully, that doesn't detract from the overall enjoyment of the story. Thank you!_

_Dedicated to hanyou-swimmer for being awesome and begging convincingly._

Raised welts danced permanently cross moonlit-pale skin. Once, there had been a raven-black tattoo on his back that his the scars. Once there had been somebody who hadn't cared about the scars, who hadn't cared about anything but himself, though he often pretended to care about him.

Fai D. Flowright grinned goofily at his reflection. It was a smile he practiced. If he couldn't smile then somebody would catch him sad. He would be interrogated and shunned. If he could hide this pain, hide it away from the others, what else was he hiding from them? There were so many questions that would have to be answered and he didn't have the heart to do it.

Alone, alone he could be sad; alone he could be his true self. He turned the hot water on, tempering it with a hint of cold so he wouldn't scald himself. His body hurt, the hot water was the only thing that soothed the pain in his body. Sliding his pants off, he stepped into the steamy water. The heat covered him, soothing the aches in his back.

"Hey! Idiot!" Kurogane's voice called angrily, knocking on the solid wood that separated them.

"I'm taking a shower, Kuro-chi!" Fai responded, his voice as normal as he could make it.

"Hurry it up!"

"What do you need? You can always come and shower with me!" Fai teased, his voice tinted with just a hint of lust.

"What in the hells are you talking about!" Kurogane roared.

"I'll be through soon. Then you can have me all to yourself!"

"Shut up!"

An honest smile fell across his face and he fell back against the shower wall. The warm water flowed over him, soothing his sore muscles. Today, this world had given him a lot of grief. He'd suffered a terrible shock but none of his companions had noticed.

He'd always been a good actor.

Turning so his chest rested against the wall, he bowed his blond head and sighed as the heated water massaged his tense muscles. It wasn't possible. How had he been here? It just wasn't possible. He should have been sleeping, entombed at the bottom of the lake in a magical sleep.

Hot water slid down his cheeks and turned his ice-blue eyes upward, hoping to stem the flow of water. _'I will not cry,'_ he thought futilely. Lathering the soap, he quickly rinsed his face before paying attention to his sore body. Cutting the flow of water, he towel dried and with one last glance at his smiling face, left the bathroom.

He hadn't expected to see the ninja glaring at the bathroom door when he came out. He hadn't even expected him to still be around. He quickly recovered and a large smile covered his face. "Kuro-chi! Have you been waiting for me?" he cheerfully asked.

"We need to talk. Get dressed."

"What's the matter?" Fai asked with a hint of concern dancing in his cheerful voice.

"Get dressed!" Kurogane growled.

A smirk danced across Fai's face as he noticed more then a subtle amount of lust in the crimson eyes. It was hard to control the eyes display of emotions. A lifetime of pretending and Fai knew he was good enough. Deciding to play mean, the thin wizard stalked to the ninja and asked softly, "Don't you like my towel?"

A dangerous scowl darkened Kurogane's face and the ninja growled. His grip on the chair he occupied tensed and he looked away, a faint tint of pink coloring his strong cheeks. "Get dressed."

"You're no fun!" Fai whined mock hurt coloring his voice.

"Why can't you ever be serious?"

"Why don't you smile?"

"Get. Dressed." Kurogane repeated slowly.

"Of course," Fai whispered. The goofy smile stayed in place as he turned his back to Kurogane.

"What did that to you?"

"Did what, Kuro-chi?"

"Come over here."

Closing his ice-blue eyes, he obeyed the wizard. In the midst of his teasing, he'd forgotten he didn't have his scarred back covered. He'd almost fallen into the role of seductive teaser and it had cost him. With a smile, he opened his eyes and moved with familiar grace towards the ninja. With each step, he made sure his hips jutted forward just the right way, exposing a sliver of skin.

"Turn around," Kurogane murmured. He stood and pulled the wizard closer to him. "What happened to you?" he asked as he traced the aged wounds with the tips of his fingers.

Bowing his head, Fai whispered, "I don't remember. It was so long ago, Kuro-chi."

"You must think I'm some kind of idiot to think I'd believe that. Who did that to you?" Kurogane asked again, anger coloring his voice as his fingers continued to trace the various wounds. "It was him, wasn't it? The one you're running from. The one sleeping."

The wizard's sudden tensing and bowed head told him all he needed to know. The wizard had been hurt by the man. A lot. Badly. No wonder he ran from him. But… "Why didn't you kill him?" Kurogane asked quietly.

"Did you try to kill the princess who sent you away? When you see her again, will you try to kill her?" Fai asked instead.

"No. I'm glad I'm here. But this isn't about me. I want to know why you didn't fight. Why didn't you try to stop him?"

"Because I couldn't," Fai whispered, wrapping his long arms around himself. "I couldn't hit him."

"Why, damnit? Tell me why!"

"Because I loved him!" Fai yelled, turning on his heel to glare at Kurogane. All hints of amusement, real or false were gone. "I loved him," he repeated desperately.

Kurogane was silent as he stared into the icy-blue eyes. "Fai," he murmured, wrapping his arms slowly around the thin shoulders.

"Stop it." Fai's voice was cold and commanding, nothing like it should have been. The thin body trembled in Kurogane's arms, of what, the ninja couldn't say. "Let me go."

"You saw him today. That's why you stuttered while we were out. That's why you've been off today, isn't it?"

"Y-you noticed?" Fai stuttered softly.

"I noticed," Kurogane repeated softly. Tears filled the ice-blue eyes as they closed, too afraid to look into the crimson ones.

"Am I important to you?"

"Important to me? Haven't you noticed or are you truly an idiot?"

"Kuro-chan," Fai whimpered, wrapping his long arms around Kurogane's waist. "Hold me?"

Adjusting his arms, Kurogane pulled Fai close, holding the wizard as close as he could. The thin man trembled as he fought the urge to cry.

"Weren't you the one who said there was strength in tears?" Kurogane asked softly.

"Weren't you the one who said it was weakness? And you hate weakness," Fai whispered.

"It's okay for you to cry. I won't hold it against you."

Fai's breath hitched as his grip tightened on Kurogane's shirt. Hot tears flowed slowly down his thin cheeks. His body shook as he cried. His knees shook as he held onto Kurogane. "I loved him," he whimpered. "I loved him."

"You can stop now."

Fai whimpered and moved within Kurogane's embrace. Pressing his face into the black fabric, he murmured, "Can I love you?"

"I'd prefer it."

"Kuro-chi," Fai whimpered. "Kuro-chi."

With a soft sigh, Kurogane pulled Fai down with him as he fell into the chair behind him. He closed his eyes as he shifted Fai in his lap. The wizard cuddled against him, oblivious of his current state of undress.

"You can love me. I'm not going to hurt you."

"Will you kiss me?" Fai whispered.

Kurogane smiled as he turned to meet Fai's expectant face. Pressing his lips to the wizard's, he closed his crimson eyes and melted into the kiss. Fai wrapped his arms around Kurogane's neck, arching against the larger body. The kiss, chaste and innocent, was over before it could escalate.

"Will you protect me?"

"I'll kill for you Fai," Kurogane whispered, pressing his lips to Fai's warm forehead. "I want to know about these," he murmured, tracing the scars.

"Let me get dressed?"

"Nope. I like it better this way anyway."

"I don't want you to see."

"I don't care. I want to. They give you character," Kurogane murmured.

Fai smiled sadly, his beautiful face torn between a smile and tears. "Thank you," he whispered, leaning into Kurogane.

The ninja couldn't say anything; he didn't know what to say. He just held the wizard, held him to his heart. The wizard turned a smiling face up to Kurogane and murmured, "I can hear your heart."

"Good. It's going to protect you from now until eternity," Kurogane whispered. "Don't keep this from me. I want to know what happened. Tell me?"


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Sorry it's taken me so long to get this chapter out. I've been bombarded by a few issues involving my computer and internet access. As it stands, my computer took a turn for the worse, crashing and taking with it all of my work. (weeping with despair) I apologize to those who were hoping for a quicker update. At the moment, I unfortunately have to rewrite everything, hike over to the library and hope that I can get onto a computer that offers me some internet access. However, it's not always easy. I'm not complaining, I just wish there were another way... Ah well, until I can have the motherboard restored and the tower my computer runs off of rebuilt, I will be updating as quickly as possible, though not as quickly as I would like. _

_Please, enjoy the story!_

**_There are some graphic scenes in this chapter between two men. If that offends you, I would recommend skipping over everything in the italics. However, as it is important, I will not delete it._**

Fai shuddered in Kurogane's arms. The ninja offered him protection and love. He was kept safe with the strength of his powerful arms. He didn't want to waste this opportunity; he didn't want to waste his sudden tears. No matter what it took, he had to save his tears for when he was alone again.

"Let me go," Fai whispered. "I'm not comfortable like this."

"I'll undress too and then we'll both be naked. How about that?"

"I didn't want you to see," Fai murmured, bowing his head as though shamed.

"Tell me what happened," Kurogane ordered softly.

"Have you ever been so in love that no matter what else happened, it was okay because you were around that one you loved. That nothing would hurt as much as them completely leaving, ignoring your affections?" Fai asked. When Kurogane frowned and shook his head _'no,'_ Fai smiled sadly and wrapped his long thin arms around Kurogane's neck. "I have been. I was so in love with Ashura-ou that I didn't care if he hurt me. He was touching me then! It didn't matter that his very touch spread like black acid through my body. That everywhere he touched either bleed, broke, or was bruised. I didn't care when he fucked me so hard I could barely walk for days! I didn't care! He was touching me; he was fucking _me_ and not somebody else. But I was a fool Kuro-chan. And you knew that from the start."

"Fai," Kurogane whispered, his thick arms loose around the thin blond. He was being torn apart. He wanted desperately to console the trembling form in his arms. But he was also consumed with a jealousy he hadn't thought possible. He wanted to prove to Fai that he no longer had anything to fear. That the only one who would be touching him from now on would be the ninja who held him. "Fai, why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I didn't want to prove your fool theory true," Fai sighed. "I explained it already, Kuro-chan. I wait for whomever it is that will sweep me away. I need somebody else to be complete. To be happy."

"How long were you with him?" Kurogane asked softly.

"I was with him for nearly ten years. But we were lovers for a little more than seven," Fai whispered, laying his head on Kurogane's strong shoulder.

"How old _are_ you?"

"I'll be twenty-seven at Harvest."

"So, August or September?"

"I don't know what those are. Explain them to me?" Fai asked, a hint of his old, fake smile dancing on his face.

"Never mind," Kurogane growled. He was not going to be distracted by this slip of a coward who had somehow won his affections. "How did he do this to you?"

"I'm… please don't make me talk about it," Fai begged softly. "I can't. I just… I can't," Fai whimpered. "I can't talk about it."

"I need to know," Kurogane growled harshly. So I can repair the damage he's done to you before I have to go off and kill him. So I know what I'm killing him for. "I need to know so that when I kill him, I can tell him his crime against me."

"You can't kill him. He's nigh invincible," Fai laughed disbelievingly.

"Almost. He's not completely invincible. Nobody is. I'll kill him. That is my promise of protection to you," Kurogane murmured softly.

"Kuro-chan?"

"How?" Kurogane demanded, ignoring the desperate pleading in Fai's soft voice.

"Once upon a time, Ashura-ou and I were lovers. I was completely and utterly absorbed by him. If he wanted me to do something, I had no problem obeying. No matter what it was. He was my life, I revolved around and he knew it. He figured it out and he used it against me," Fai murmured softly, letting his mind wander off. He didn't think about what he was saying, he just kind of quieted as he recalled the day he'd decided he would have to stop Ashura-ou, if he was going to live past thirty.

_Ashura-ou's black hair danced in the light breeze. Fai watched, mesmerized by the black silk until Ashura-ou's deep voice intruded. "Fai, I want you. Get on the bed."_

_Nodding, Fai turned on his heel and moved to the king's large bed. Once, he had earned for the order, now he hated it. The king, fair but strict, was handsome. A youthful face- tanned and accented by long, black hair that was soft as silk. He was brought to the palace at sixteen, when his magic had manifested itself as a destructive force. He'd admired the king's unearthly beauty since then, unaware for so long of Ashura-ou's jealousy of Fai's own ethereal beauty._

_Fai's train of though was interrupted as Ashura-ou's long fingers roughly undressed him, leaving red marks from his razor-sharp fingernails. With no warning to the blond, he shoved a long finger through the tight ring of muscles. A wordless scream erupted from Fai's and Ashura-ou responded kindly. He pushed Fai's face into the pillows, muffling the sound he delighted in._

_Tears poured from Fai's clenched, blue eyes. He shouldn't have been surprised. Ashura-ou liked to hear the screaming of his lovers. Liked to know they felt everything he could do, everything he enjoyed doing. With the blood helping to lubricate his finger, Ashura-ou slid two more in. Fai cried out as the long, offensive fingers curled and spread, digging into his tender body, bringing him more pain than pleasure._

_A gasp of pleasure ran through Fai when the thin invaders stroked his prostrate, almost lovingly. Ashura-ou's fingers withdrew and Fai whimpered with relief. He was relieved the fingers were no longer digging into his soft innards, but he dreaded what he knew came next. Already, this was an ancient ritual. Ashura-ou was never gentle. He hadn't been after a month. His scarred back from previous encounters was decorated in the elaborate, twisting form of the raven colored phoenix. He'd begged for it, given Ashura-ou's loathing of the scars he left. Not only did it help to control the massive power of destructive magical energy within him, the elaborate tattoo hid Ashura-ou's eyes from that which he hated to see. Imperfection._

_His cheeks were parted and he clenched his jaw, desperate to not cry out, unable to stop himself as Ashura-ou pushed his heated, moist length deep within him. He was buried to the hilt when he moved his hands. Digging nails into Fai's small back, Ashura-ou curled his fingers, dragging them down the fleshy plains as he pulled out and thrust forward explosively._

_Fai whimpered, unsure of crying out in pleasure over and over, thrust after thrust, he hit that deliciously sweet spot deep within. But with each movement, he dug his nails into the sensitive flesh. Finally, after what felt like an eternity to Fai, Ashura-ou shuddered as he came. When he was freed from Fai, he ordered the blond: "Wash and join me this evening. After court."_

"_Y-yes Ashura-ou," Fai managed softly._

_The beautiful king withdrew, leaving him as no more than a broken wizard covered in blood, filled with useless semen. And as he regained his breath, he decided he had to do something. If Ashura-ou were allowed to continue on, Fai would surely die in his arms._

"Fai?" Kurogane's voice asked softly. The blond had trailed off softly, his eyes had glazed and he had been lost for a moment. He whimpered softly and glanced at Kurogane, as if he had only just realized that the ninja was even there.

"He called it love-making. But it wasn't love making, not after he'd learned to use my body against me. He would want to see blood and I had to let him see it," Fai whispered, wrapping his arms around Kurogane's waist, snuggling as close as he could to the raven-headed ninja.

"How could you keep it up? Especially after you learned how he was?"

"Because I am not a solitary creature, Kuro-chan. I need somebody to hold me, somebody to keep me. I needed him to love me, to treat me as though he loved me, even if he didn't. If held me in his bed, I could pretend he was holding me with affection."

"How did he do that?" Kurogane asked softly, tracing the aged scars.

"He would… For leverage… Don't make me explain," Fai begged softly.

Kurogane's strong arms tightened their hold on his waist and he growled protectively, "I will never let that happen to you again."

"How can you protect me from someone more powerful then yourself?"

"Because I will. I'll protect you and you don't have to worry about anything hurting you ever again."

"Does this mean you love me, Kuro-chan?" Fai asked softly, pressing his head to Kurogane's strong shoulder.

"I won't deny it. But I won't admit it to everyone either."

"You're so shy!" Fai teased. He placed a light kiss on Kurogane's clothed shoulder. "Now, I'm going to go get dressed because I don't like to be naked. It's not very comfortable for me."

"I like you naked," Kurogane shrugged, smiling at the silent blond. "I like you naked very much."

A shiver of lust and something darker swam through Fai, covering him in gooseflesh, causing him to shift uncomfortably in Kurogane's arms. He had only, _ever_ been with Ashura-ou. He'd taken his virginity and taught him to fear his body being touched, no matter how good it was supposed to feel.

"I like you that way too, Kuro-chan. But I still want to get dressed. I don't like being naked. Not anymore."

"I want to. Can I?" Kurogane asked softly, his fingers dancing on the edge of the towel Fai wore.

"No," Fai whimpered. "No," he repeated more firmly.

And Kurogane moved his hands, letting them rest behind Fai, barely touching him. But to prove that he really did like the blond, and not for more than just a possibility of sex, he pressed his lips delicately to the suddenly broken wizard's lips.

Fai froze, not sure whether he could trust the delicate brushing of lips or not. When Kurogane began to pull back, however, he unfroze, not willing to lose the warmth against his lips.

But sadly, the chaste kiss had to end and Fai, feeling more than a little lost, looked into the crimson eyes above him. He needed the reassurance he could only find in another's arms. In somebody else commanding him. He wanted to give into Kurogane's very obvious lust, desire, wants. Whatever it meant to have the ninja own him. To be owned by somebody who would care about him once more. The stoic ninja pressed their foreheads together, closing his unique eyes.

"I'm sorry, Kuro-chan," Fai whispered, pulling away from the larger man. He disentangled himself and moved swiftly away, all graceful pretenses vanished. He collected his clean clothing and retreated to the safety- the solitude- of the bathroom.

He shuddered as he closed and locked the door, desperate to keep some semblance of composure. He'd never nearly lost control like that, not with his traveling companions. He leaned heavily against the door and didn't try to stop his body from sliding down the cool wood.

Now that he was alone again, he could cry. And he had every right to. Kuro-chan had dragged up memories from a time long ago. He'd pushed them so far away from his conscious mind that he'd nearly forgotten them. He'd pushed Ashura-ou back as far as he could. The scars they left, he'd tried to ignore. He couldn't this time. Kuro-chan was far too smart for that.

And maybe, in his hidden heart, the one he tried to ignore, he'd wanted Kuro-chan to know. He was in love with the ninja. He could accept that. But he also loved his abusive king. If Kuro-chan could see his scars- scars he'd his obediently from Ashura-ou and still care for him, maybe he could allow himself the hope that he could move on.

After all, all he'd ever _really_ wanted was to be swept away by his lover.


	3. Chapter 3

After all, all he'd ever _really_ wanted was to be swept away by his lover.

Fai jumped at the sound of a hard knocking on the wood separating him from the other man, the man he'd fallen for. "Look, I'm sorry if it hurt to talk about it, but you'll feel better after a good cry. Trust me, I know."

"You've never cried," Fai answered in a spiteful tone.

"You'd be surprised. When you're ready to see me again, I'll be in the room."

"I won't be too long. So don't worry about me. I'm fine!" Fai answered in a cheerful voice.

"Shut up liar!" Kurogane growled, his voice a little softer, as though he had moved away from the door.

Fai sighed, sliding further down the door. He couldn't do this. He didn't have the patience needed to be happy, he couldn't pretend, not right now. Sighing heavily, he looked up, letting the hot tears that leaked unwanted run down his face and into the hollows of his ears. Kurogane had done a lot of damage and hurt him. He couldn't just immediately recover from that, no matter how strong he was. Or how strong he pretended to be.

Standing slowly, he wiped his face with the towel from his body, standing naked in the solitude of the bathroom. He didn't have to see Kurogane and he didn't have to hide his scars in the bathroom, he could pretend they didn't exist and that he was something whole and perfect to present to Kurogane. He wished to be worthy of giving something of himself to the ninja who gave of himself everyday.

He dressed slowly, trying to ignore the pain that danced in his body. He knew what it was like to constantly ignore the pain. To pretend that nothing was ever wrong. But somehow, something in Kurogane's touches, in his whispered words, he'd been unnerved, undone.

Satisfied that it wasn't showing, Fai tightened the collar around his shirt and smiled at himself in the mirror. He was a very pretty man and in his long, high-necked sleeping clothes, he looked formidable. Satisfied that he was as neat looking as he would be, he trudged slowly from the bathroom, his face smiling, hiding all hints of the tears that had poured relentlessly from his eyes just minutes before. He was an excellent pretender.

But no amount of practice would have helped him keep his composure as when he stepped from the bathroom and walked slowly, gracefully into their shared bedroom, Kurogane was sitting in the same chair as before, stripped to the waist. He had his eyes closed as though he were meditating and when he heard Fai's soft movements in the room, he blinked his crimson eyes open and smiled softly. He gestured silently for the wizard to move forward and join him, sitting as before in his lap.

"Kuro-chan," Fai teased softly, a hint of teasing playfulness in his voice as he rolled forward in his amazingly graceful saunter. "I didn't know you liked me so much."

"You never were quiet long enough for me to tell you," Kurogane answered softly, bowing his head in embarrassment, trying to hide the fact that he was blushing rather plainly.

Fai took his place in Kurogane's lap and tried not to sigh in fear as he felt the ninja raise his hands to wrap around Fai's body. "You know, I'm not tired anymore," he smiled widely, turning his wide blue eyes to Kurogane's thin crimson eyes.

"I want you to sit here with me, in the quiet, while I meditate," Kurogane whispered softly. "Meditation is good for the soul. It helps clear your mind so that you can think clearly," Kurogane explained softly.

"I've never meditated before."

"I know. The more often you meditate, the quieter you are as a person, preferring the silence you've learned from your meditating."

"And you meditate often?"

"I try for nearly three times a day. There are times when you can be very trying," Kurogane smiled, his teeth flashing as he winked and placed a kiss to Fai's cheek. "Since you've never done this before, we'll start you with something very easy. Close your eyes and focus on your breathing. When you've gotten a nice soft and slow rhythm, clear your mind. Clear it of everything and focus on nothing but your breathing. Okay?"

Fai nodded his blond head and did as he was told. He was good at obeying too, if he wanted to be rewarded instead of punished. He focused on nothing but his breathing, the way his lungs expanded and his body seemed just inches larger when he inhaled. He wanted to exhale and it be an excited exhalation as Kurogane gave him what he needed the most. His mind was clear. He could think of nothing else but his breathing and how Kurogane could alter that breathing. How, if Kurogane would just move his hand at his hip, just a smidge, he would hitch his breath and give into anything Kurogane wanted.

It seemed as though hours passed in the quiet of their shared bedroom, Fai had moved on from the simple breathing pattern of his own body. He was more interested in the fact that Kurogane seemed to be matching his body breath for breath and that he was very calmly sitting beneath him, as though it were something commonplace. Rolling his eyes to himself, Fai closed his blue eyes once more and tried to focus on nothing more than his breathing. He couldn't though. He was so… _bored!_

"Fai," Kurogane murmured softly.

"Hmm?" was the hummed reply.

"Have you ever been with anyone other than hi-… other than that guy?" Kurogane asked.

Fai bowed his head and looked away from the man who wanted to possess him, the man he wanted to possess him. He couldn't admit that he was afraid to be intimate because he'd never been very good at the pleasure that one was supposed to get. He couldn't tell him that he'd only fallen in love twice in his life and that although he wanted to be intimate, oh-so-very intimate, he was afraid of what it would do. That he would be lost in the pain that Kurogane was sure to give out. After all, intimacy was a painful experience, except for the lucky few. And because he was not an idiot, he knew that his silence answered for him.

"It doesn't have to be painful. There are things to do that make it enjoyable," Kurogane whispered softly, letting his forehead rest on Fai's thin shoulder. "I want to teach you about that," he murmured.

Fai shivered in Kurogane's stronger grasp and knew that if Kurogane asked, he would give in. If Kurogane wanted him now, on the floor like a dog, he would give into his demands.

"I want you to sleep beside me tonight. Let me hold you since I've done so much to you today," the ninja whispered softly, looking everywhere but at the large eyes that were staring into his own. "I didn't want to drag up painful memories for you, but it's the only way that I can learn anything about you."

"You never share either," Fai whispered.

Fai smiled at the sincerity in the ninja's eyes, in his body. He wouldn't try to take advantage of the situation, but if he did, than Fai would give in. This evening, this had proven that Fai was going to obey, going to follow what Kurogane did for him.

Kurogane would want Fai to fight for himself. To live his own life with his own ideas, but Fai didn't know how to do that. Even traveling, journeying through the worlds after putting his king into a deep sleep, Fai still relied on him for strength. He would call up the image of the beautiful king and remind himself that lovers were like that, that he had to travel further and faster and leave it all behind, confusing his handsome king. He couldn't stop to fight for himself. Stopping to fight for himself would allow that once loved king a chance to find him once more.

As he lay with Kurogane he was torn between the desire to have Kurogane dominate him, the desire to be one, to be intimate with somebody again. He hadn't been with anyone since leaving for the witch. Ashura-ou had been particularly violent on the night before he was sealed. Kurogane promised pleasure in his love making, something Fai was not sure he believed in. Closing his eyes, he leaned into Kurogane as if he were suddenly heavy.

He was exhausted. He knew that he was. Crying was tiring business and any man would be tired after all the crying he suffered through today. He was drifting slowly into the dark nothingness of sleep when he felt a heavy arm surround him, wrap him around the waist and hold him closer to the warm body behind him. He was happy. This was how he should be allowed to have his nights. He should be allowed to spend the evenings, wrapped in the warmth of his lover as they drifted contentedly into sleep.

Maybe he could learn to be truly happy, in the arms of this ninja?

_Sorry it's a little fluffy and a little dramatic, but I thought that Fai deserved a little fluff before I angst him up a little more next update. Have a good one and thank you very for reading!_


	4. Chapter 4

Maybe he could learn to be truly happy, in the arms of this ninja?

He wanted to believe that he could. He wanted to know that he could. That the power of this man could keep him safe. He knew that he was weak, he accepted that but he wanted to be stronger. He knew he could be if he was able to stay within the arms of this ninja. This ninja who wanted to hold onto him, no matter how desperate or weak he really was.

"Kurogane, will you hold me like this all the time?" Fai asked softly, snuggling against the taller, powerful ninja.

"If you won't be an idiot all the time. I want to," Kurogane smiled. "But I won't let you play like you're an idiot. I want you to talk to me."

"About what? You already know what it is that happened to me in the past. You already know what I've been through, what else do you want me to talk to you about?" Fai asked softly, his fear and confusion dancing in the quiet of the room.

"I want to know what you're afraid of, I know that something is bothering you but you won't talk about it. What is it that fills you with fear? I know that you're afraid of something, I can tell you are because I'm a warrior and I know what it is that fills people with fear. All I want is for you to tell me what makes you afraid."

"You've talked an awful lot for you. I'm surprised Kuro-chan. I didn't know you had it in you to talk that much," Fai smiled, bowing his head.

"I don't care. You've been awful silent for yourself," Kurogane answered. Fai chuckled softly, he could hear the embarrassment in Kurogane's voice, and it was refreshing to know he could still be so embarrassed.

"Shut up and just hold me," Fai whispered, turning over to wrap his arms around Kurogane's thick form.

_88_

When dawn showed her beautiful face in a brilliant array of soft colors, Fai was lost deep in the throes of sleep. His dreams were of nothing more than depthless black that lingers behind closed eyelids. His ninja companion however, was already wide awake. He was consumed with thoughts of his little wizard lover, thinking of the ways that he could protect the waif in his arms. He wanted nothing more than to hold onto the little man, wanted nothing more than to think of the peaceful atmosphere that was in the room, that they shared with one another.

Fai was at peace in his arms, he was happy and he was sleeping much more deeply than he could recall the wizard ever having sleeping before. He wasn't tossing or turning and he was quiet, something rare in the thin man. Kurogane had to admit, he was quite handsome, and as he lay in his arms, Kurogane realized that there was nothing else he wanted more than to have Fai wrapped around him like this, all the time, everyday.

He was growing sentimental and he was growing soft. He knew that. He just didn't want to admit it to anyone. And when the day was old, when he was searching out the feather of the little princess, he would have to work very hard not to keep the wizard at his side, keeping the wizard safe and sound and protected. He would make the sleeping king pay. There was nothing to doubt about that. He would make the sleeping king pay for his sins against the sleeping blond, for his daring to lay hands on the wizard without giving a single thought to the timidity of the man, to the power of the little blond, how it would devastate him.

He would never do anything to hurt the wizard, he would never destroy the man and he would protect him. Always, always he would protect him. There would be nothing, there would be nothing he couldn't do to protect the man.

He noticed the subtle shift in Fai as he woke slowly, regaining consciousness. Fai shifted ever closer to the form of the ninja, allowing him to hold him as tightly as he could. Kurogane's arms tightened around his form, holding him.

"Kuro-chan?" Fai whispered softly.

"Did you sleep well?" Kurogane asked, avoiding the problems that were last night.

"I did. Thank you," Fai whispered. "Why do you care so much?"

"Because I've fallen for you," Kurogane whispered softly.

"Have you?" Fai asked, his voice sly and deep.

"Don't. I know you don't want to, so don't," Kurogane warned. "I don't think I could stop if you start."

Fai blinked his large blue eyes innocently. "What are you talking about Kuro-chan?" he asked softly.

"Fai, I'm telling you. If you start something, I'll finish it. I don't want to if you aren't comfortable with it."

"I want you to though," he muttered. "I really want you to."

"Fai, take your shirt off," Kurogane ordered.

Fai smiled and nodded slowly. He didn't want to, he really didn't want to take his shirt off and expose his scars once more, but Kurogane was the dominant partner and Kurogane controlled him. He would do as he were ordered, whether it scared him or not. He pulled himself from Kurogane's embrace and obliged, pulling his long shirt off of his thin body. He smiled at the ninja, happy to be given what he wanted.

Kurogane kneeled over the wizard, straddling the thin form with his larger body. He smiled at the thin blond before pressing his lips to the pale skin. He smiled and shifted in pleased shock at the feel of Kurogane's unbelievably soft lips dancing across his skin.

"Kuro…" Fai breathed softly, arching into Kurogane's body as pleasure ran through him. "Kuro…"

Kurogane smiled as Fai raised his arms to wrap them around his neck. He shifted his body, pressing his knee between Fai's thin legs. "I want you," Kurogane whispered, pulling his lips free from Fai's body. "I want you so much."

"I'm yours," Fai whispered softly. "I'm all yours. Just make me yours."

Kurogane didn't respond, pressing his lips to Fai's instead of verbal words. He smiled at the writhing blond and let his hands wander over the naked flesh. Fai smiled and gasped and moaned in pleasure. He knew how to make the most of anyone touching him, he knew how to be believable.

"Turn over," Kurogane ordered softly.

Fai's eyes widened before he nodded, obeying the man's commands. He rolled over, laying face first on the large bed. "Now what, Kuro-chan?" he asked, wiggling his seductive ass more than necessary.

Kurogane didn't answer. With his lips on Fai's body, he let his hands roam over the thin body, his lips kissing delicately along the back, carefully avoiding Fai's scars.

'_Why won't you kiss them? Why won't you touch them? They aren't hidden, you can hardly avoid them. Do I disgust you so much?'_ he thought slowly. There were tears in his blue eyes as he buried his face in the pillow below him. He shifted, uncomfortable beneath Kurogane suddenly.

"Fai?" Kurogane's voice asked softly, rising in the room.

"What?"

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I'm just… I'm a little nervous about everything," Fai offered, a smile in his voice.

"Don't worry. If you ask me too, I'll stop. If you are uncomfortable, I'll stop. I swear. I don't want to hurt you."

"You will never hurt me," Fai whispered, turning his head to look over his shoulders at Kurogane.

Kurogane didn't answer again, he didn't want to ruin it with his harsh words that could never express his deepest thoughts. Stretching over the body of the thin blond, Kurogane allowed his hands to massage the scarred flesh of his little lover. When Fai moaned happily, Kurogane traded his lips for his hands, allowing his tongue to dance over the scarred flesh. He stopped before he placed a kiss to the start of one of the many scars. Fai shivered and Kurogane silently swore.

With soft, delicate kisses, Kurogane slid his mouth down Fai's back, kissing each scar slowly. He wasn't going to allow that to ever happen again. He would never allow the wizard a chance to be hurt like that. He would never hurt him and the wizard would never be with another, if Kurogane had any say in it. He growled low in his throat, desire building within him as he fought to keep from pounding into Fai's slim body. He would only serve to remind him of what he'd fought to escape. He didn't want to do that. He didn't want to frighten his magical lover, he wanted to have trust, and hurting him would destroy any hopes of trust they may forge.

Fai shivered as he felt his body stirring in heated desire for the ninja bathing him in blessed adoration. He wanted to be filled, he wanted to have Kurogane ride him, fill him, pound into him with abandon. He wanted to be used by this ninja who was showing so much more timidity than he would have ever thought possible.

"Kuro…" Fai breathed softly, his voice deep and husky with the lust that was pouring through him.

Kurogane smiled at Fai's back and placed a kiss to the tip of Fai's pants, letting his tongue linger longer than usual. Smiling at the back of his little lover, Kurogane slid his hands around Fai's waist, pulling the wizard up, resting him against his chest.

"Fai, if we do this then you can never, never be with anyone else. You will never be allowed to be with anyone else ever again," Kurogane whispered softly into the ear before his mouth.

Fai shivered in Kurogane's arms. He can't speak, his voice is gone with his dried throat. He nodded slowly, leaning ever closer to Kurogane's body.

"Fai, you have to be one hundred percent sure."

"I… I am."

Kurogane smiled and placed his lips to Fai's shoulders. "Fai, I'm going to make love to you," Kurogane whispered. "Turn around, face me."

Fai obeyed quietly, letting his small form straddle that of the larger ninja. He didn't know what he was going to be expected to do, but he hoped it would be easy. He hadn't… he was afraid of Kurogane's touches. Of touches that were supposed to be pleasurable and had so often not been. He waited, his breath held as Kurogane's hands slid over his body.

Fai was breathless as Kurogane moved within him, as Kurogane claimed him. He moaned and arched into the ninja, letting his body enjoy what Kurogane had promised. The pleasure of making love. He wasn't rough, he wasn't demanding. If nothing else, Kurogane was attentive to the needs, the wants and desires of his wizard lover.

And as they lay, wrapped in each other's arms, Fai couldn't stop the tears that poured from his eyes once more.

_A most heartfelt thank you to my friend Tainted Desires for reading, editing and holding my hand as I struggled to write this chapter. You deserve a million naked bishounen dancing in your bedroom! And for everyone who is reading this, thank you for reading it, thank you for coming back, and please, bear with me as I slowly finish this and Mizerable. I appreciate all of the comments and love I've gotten for this story. Thank you!_


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